Thursday, November 6, 2008

magical memories - helping my "girlfriend" move

This is a bit of a different kind of "magical memory" than I've done previously, but it's a situation that's come up in my mind because of recent events.

About 15+ years ago, I was very good friends with a particular person. We met at work and discovered that we had some similar interests, so we started hanging out together a lot. She and I would get together after work on Friday and then go have dinner, and then I might drive out to her place on the weekend, and we'd hang out and just have fun. At one point, she was moving into a house, and she would be occupying one of the two rooms that the homeowner was renting out. I'm not a fan of moving, but I had a car whereas she didn't, so I agreed to help her.

We made a couple of trips moving her stuff into the house, and I met her landlord/roommate (the other room hadn't been rented out yet), and she was really nice. We took a couple of hours that afternoon moving her stuff, and it happened to be on New Year's Eve, I think. We had a party to go to that night, and we were also going to a 10am screening the next morning of Kenneth Branagh's "Hamlet". Since both the party and screening were out her way on the Westside, and I lived in the San Gabriel Valley, I had decided to just stay at her place to avoid the whole driving back and forth that night, especially on New Year's Eve.

After moving all her stuff and getting most of her room organized, we took turns taking a shower to get ready for the party. I think I went first, and then when I was done, she took her turn. While I was sitting around waiting for her and letting my hair dry, her landlord came into the room, and we were just chatting about random things. At the end of it, she said that she thought I was really nice and that she hoped she'd be seeing a lot of me. When my friend came out of the shower, I told her that I thought her landlord thought the two of us were lesbian lovers, and her landlord wanted to make it clear that I was welcome there.

I was around the house a lot on weekends, since that was in the midst of when my friend and I spent a lot of time together. I think at some point, the landlord figured out that we were just friends - I have no idea if she still thought we were both lesbians and just not in a relationship with each other. I do have to say that I was surprised she thought we were in a relationship because I don't remember doing anything to give that impression, and I don't think just helping someone move would do that. Yeah, two females were doing all the heavy lifting and moving of stuff, and we each took a shower, but it wasn't like we took a shower together, and after a day of moving stuff, yeah, we were going to want to clean up before going to a New Year's Eve party. There are some friends with whom I'm a bit more touchy-feely than I am with others, but I don't think this friend was someone that I was really touchy-feely with. But then, there have been other occasions in the intervening years when people have thought a female friend and I were lesbian lovers, so maybe I put out a lesbian vibe that I'm not aware of. Doesn't bother me. I do notice that I will refer to a close female friend as a "girlfriend" when I'm talking to someone else, so it has occurred to me that someone who doesn't really know me might think I really was referring to a girlfriend. Not sure if the fact that I have a ring now adds to or detracts from that misconception.

This is a story I've told many times because I think it's funny. The misconception never bothered me - I didn't care if she thought I was a lesbian. It doesn't offend me if someone thinks that about me any more than someone thinking I'm a doctor or a grocery store clerk - it's just factually wrong. What I do remember thinking at the time was that the landlord went out of her way to sit and talk to me for a little while and to make sure I knew that even if I was her new tenant's lesbian lover, that she didn't have a problem with that and that I should have no qualms about coming around. And this was 15 years ago.

15 years into the future, I guess I thought everyone else had caught up to the kind of thinking where what gender you prefer in a relationship isn't an issue. But I found out that I do apparently [sic] live a very insulated life where gay or straight means nothing in what I think of a person. Not all gay people are nice people either - heck, I could name a few that I have had serious problems with. If someone is an ass, they're an ass whether they're gay or straight or blonde or dark-haired or tall or short.

So I guess I'm just going to continue to live in my little bubble of a world where people are welcoming no matter what your sexual orientation might be.

2 comments:

Andrew said...

I like your bubble. My bubble is a lot like yours.

Arielle said...

I don't think you are isolated. From what I know of you you are more active and involved in the world than anyone else I know.

I just think your story and thoughts illustrate that you are simply more advanced, emotionally, socially, philosophically, and spiritually, than most of us. If it seems you live in bubble, you it's because you are out ahead of the crowd, that's all.

So, (you and Andrew) lead on! :-)