I thought I'd give him some help. Do you want to help write his speech too? Here's your chance. I'm providing a little spoiler space to give you a chance to write his speech before I show you mine.
Here's my recommendation for his speech.
My fellow Americans, today is a heavy day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "alligator", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually run.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces depressed and orange challenges like never before. Our economy is rancid. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for gnats. Our healthcare system is congenial. If your liver is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a plumber. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a table diamond. But squawking together we can right this ship, and set a course for forest.
Finally, I must thank my purple family, my asinine campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Weebles for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of selling the American people. Without your gracious efforts, none of this would have been possible.