Who are you breaking bread with?

It's Thanksgiving week, and with Christmas and other year-end holidays fast approaching, I'm hearing a lot of people talking about how they're dreading spending this holiday or that holiday with this person or that person. So maybe it's just me who doesn't understand subjecting yourself to something like that. I don't mean something like a company party where there's another employee there who you don't like - there's not much you can do about that since it's work if you have to attend.

But I'm hearing stories where one side or the other is upset that they're not spending every holiday with them - completing disregarding that their new (or even not-so-new) son-in-law or daughter-in-law also has parents that they'd like to see on holidays, so it's unreasonable to insist that they spend every single minute of every holiday with you, and if they don't, you throw a fit. Or I'm hearing people say that they really don't want to go to the big multi-family gathering because this person is a pill, and that person is vicious, and this other person is intolerable, and yet another person causes trouble every year and makes the day unbearable. So why don't they just not go? Because it's a family gathering, and if they don't go, then this other person will get upset, and they'll never hear the end of it, so rather than have to hear this person bitch about them *not* going, they'd rather go and subject themselves to a hellish day. Ummm, ok.

Maybe I just have a hard time understanding that sort of thing because in general, I've very lucky. My parents and siblings and their families are generally ok, and I enjoy holidays with them. There can be some issues at times, but nothing out of the ordinary. But both of our sides are very understanding about extended family, and neither demands attention at the exclusion of the other. The only holidays that we split are Thanksgiving and Christmas. We switch off every Thanksgiving between spending it with the husband's family and my family. Christmas Eve, we spend with the husband's family and Christmas Day, we spend with my family. Everyone shares nicely. Done.

For me, maybe it's just that I've spent my time trying to appease people, and all it's ever resulted in is me being miserable and then coming to resent being put in that position. As much as possible and as much as I can help it, I don't spend time with people I don't like. And no, it doesn't matter if we're related by blood. A lot of the problems seem to arise in a lot of cases because it involves family members. Somehow, many people seem to think that you need to accept treatment and behaviours from family members that you would not begin to accept from friends or strangers. Umm, nope, sorry, the "family card" doesn't work on me. I'm figuring that being family means you should be nicer to me than other people, not that you should expect me to take more crap from you than I would other people.

I'm thankful for my family, and I'm thankful for my friends.