I heard about the story of Jennifer DeJongh (aka Jennifer Lopez) and her three children, an 8 year old boy and twin 6 year old boys, early last week. She and the father of her three children never married, but they've had a contentious custody battle over the kids. The boys' father, Brian Miller, had previously pled guilty to charges of spousal abuse. There are some reports that he also pled guilty to charges of child abuse, but there are conflicting reports on whether or not that's true. There were allegations at least. Jennifer is currently married to another man, and she and her husband and the three boys had been living with Jennifer's father.
And then something happened. I can't seem to get a handle on the story, but somehow, Brian's parents got involved. Brian's father is Gary Miller, a Congressman who represents the areas of Diamond Bar, Brea, Chino and Chino Hills in Southern California. Through various court decisions, the three boys were given to Gary and his wife to have temporary custody.
Jennifer objected to the custody arrangement, including the Millers' contention that they should have some sort of custodial/parental rights when it came to decisions having to do with the children. On the day that she was supposed to hand her children over to the Millers, she instead disappeared. Her husband has disappeared as well. Though Jennifer's father says he has not spoken to her and doesn't know where she is, speculation is that they have all fled to Las Vegas or elsewhere in Nevada where she has friends.
I have no idea what to make of this case. There are a couple of red flags that come up for me though. Whatever the arrangement between Jennifer and Brian is what it is - but why are Brian's parents involved? If there are two parents alive and available, they should be the ones who have a say in what happens with the children. If for some reason one parent is unavailable or incapable, then it's up to the other parent - the unavailable/incapable parent doesn't get to nominate a proxy for his/her parental rights. The only time grandparents should be involved in a custody issue is if both parents are either dead or deemed unfit as parents, in which case I don't think the grandparents should be automatically awarded custody, but they should be reviewed along with any other relatives or anyone else who is in a position to provide a good home for the child/children. But absent that, I don't think grandparents should have legal rights to a child, unless the grandparents have in fact been acting as de facto parents of the child.
Maybe I've just been conditioned to think this way, but not knowing the whole story, I find myself siding with Jennifer. Brian has already admitted to spousal abuse. While not an automatic leap, it wouldn't be a stretch to think he might therefore be capable of child abuse. I think I'm focussing on the fact that she thought she was in a situation dire enough that she had to take her children and run. It takes a lot to decide that. They're not exactly running off to a tropical island with no extradition treaty. It's just another state, a state where it's apparently known they're going, and you've got to figure that sooner or later, they're going to be found. But she's risking that to keep her boys from a situation that she must believe she's protecting them from. And the boys are old enough where they couldn't just be told a story - they'd have to know that something is up.
On the other hand, I suppose it's possible that she's so delusional that she thought there was an issue when there was none, and she is instead putting her kids in danger by being on the run. Some have expressed that if the kids were alleging abuse, it must have happened, since no mother would implant that in their children. Sadly, that's not the case. It has happened before in custody cases where the mother coaches the children to claim abuse to help in a custody case, so it's not impossible.
There are allegations coming from Jennifer's father that somehow, Gary Miller used his position to influence the judge in the case against Jennifer. On the one hand, that's something that could be entirely possible. On the other hand, it's also really easy to make that accusation. In either case, there is no proof.
Jennifer's father has said that Jennifer didn't think she had a choice, and he doesn't expect to see any of them for quite some time.
Gary Miller has said that he's worried about his grandkids and just wants them back.
You have to wonder about Jennifer's husband. He is most likely with them. Would he have run with them if he didn't also believe that handing the kids over would be detrimental to them? Would he have run if he didn't agree with Jennifer's feelings? Would he be on the run with them just so he could be with Jennifer?
But the most damaging thing for me in all this is that we've heard nothing from the kids' father, Brian. Both grandfathers have pled their case, and you've heard opinions from other family members, friends and strangers. And yet, I've not heard a word from the father. Gary Miller's statements say that he and his wife and Brian want the kids back - why can't Brian say something for himself? It really is bothering me that the grandparents are in this picture so much.
All I think about, though, is that this past Thanksgiving, the three boys were not at home, not in a place they knew and were familiar with and were comfortable in. They were away from most of the people they knew, and they probably don't understand a thing of what's going on. They've been the prize in this tug-of-war between their parents, between their grandparents. I don't know who's right and who's wrong. I just know that whatever is happening, it's definitely not in the best interest of the children, and that's what really needs to happen.
Here are a number of different stories about this situation.
The Whittier Daily News
another article from the Whittier Daily News
an Associated Press article
a Los Angeles Times article
another Whittier Daily News article
an Orange County Register article
a Whittier Daily News article about parent abductions
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3 comments:
The Miller's were awarded custody because Jennifer is an unfit mother. The children were ill behaved and brainwashed by their mother and her parents. Brian never abused the children and was wrongly accused by Jennifer and her family. I hope they find the boys and their mother so that the boys can be raised by a normal family and Jennifer can spend some time in jail thinking about the life she has lived.
I have read reports from other people who have said what you've said about the mother as well as the unfounded accusations against the father. I've also read reports from others who are adamant that the father was indeed abusive to both the children and the mother and that undue influence was exerted by the grandfather to wrestle custody away from the mother.
Obviously, since I have no personal knowledge of this case, I have no idea what the truth is. Each side is pretty adamant that they're telling the truth. I've learned that oftentimes, the truth really lies somewhere in the middle.
In any case, my concern is for the children. I'm sorry that they've been put squarely in the middle of this fight. There are a lot of things that I've read where it seems like all parties concerned haven't necessarily done what's best for the children, and that's what makes me sad. I hope the children are happy and safe, as much as they can be in this situation, and that whatever has transpired and whatever happens in the future doesn't screw them up completely.
I know her husband and his family and they are very nice, caring people. I believe that this is the reason he probably helped Jennifer and her children. May the angels guard and conceal them, Amen.
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